Lately I am lacking the words to describe what I am seeing. No photos to do it justice either. All I can think of saying is that I'm trying. I'm tired, sometimes hopeful, but mostly trying. Happy 2010. I will be 23 soon, and I feel as though I must do something with my life now. "You're young. It takes time" doesn't cut it anymore.
1.06.2010
10.21.2009
on life
A man started talking to me in a Starbucks somewhere near Soho. He said he'd been a lawyer, lived on the upper east side, but was diagnosed with cancer with 6 months to live. He lived 3 years past his doctors' prognosis. He seemed bitter, lonely, unhappy, and perhaps a tad crazy.
He said he didn't want to go home and was Starbucks hopping to avoid it. I guess I do the same thing--wandering through Philly to avoid going to my apartment.
After he told me all this, I said, "that makes me sad."
"About what?"
"Life."
At the end of our conversation, he said, "It's not sad, it just is."
I hope he is well.
He said he didn't want to go home and was Starbucks hopping to avoid it. I guess I do the same thing--wandering through Philly to avoid going to my apartment.
After he told me all this, I said, "that makes me sad."
"About what?"
"Life."
At the end of our conversation, he said, "It's not sad, it just is."
I hope he is well.
9.17.2009
generation gap
mary travers died today. peter, paul & mary was big part of my childhood. my father used to listen to and try to sing their songs pretty often. relevance is such a funny thing. i didn't shed a tear for michael jackson, but mary travers' death made me cry. it's as if a part of my childhood was suddenly taken away from me.
i'm definitely not a child of the 50's or 60's despite all my silly wishes to be. i am unfortunately part of a bland, apathetic, and selfish generation. we've become so conservative: no one's taking risks, and we're all too happy to live a safe, boring existence. there are no challenges or challengers in this kind of life, and it's not one i want to live.
i don't believe i can change the world--i think people who believe they can are silly. instead, i am going to try, with the little capacity i have, to be good and to do good. nothing breathtaking, i know. this is no manifesto. this is a reminder: i will cry when i see someone in pain and try not to turn away. i will do my best not to fester in my own small worries and fears and try to understand those of others. i will be hopeful and show it.
i'm definitely not a child of the 50's or 60's despite all my silly wishes to be. i am unfortunately part of a bland, apathetic, and selfish generation. we've become so conservative: no one's taking risks, and we're all too happy to live a safe, boring existence. there are no challenges or challengers in this kind of life, and it's not one i want to live.
i don't believe i can change the world--i think people who believe they can are silly. instead, i am going to try, with the little capacity i have, to be good and to do good. nothing breathtaking, i know. this is no manifesto. this is a reminder: i will cry when i see someone in pain and try not to turn away. i will do my best not to fester in my own small worries and fears and try to understand those of others. i will be hopeful and show it.
9.01.2009
8.29.2009
on regret
sometimes she misses someone who is not there anymore. there is no pain in this regret, just a slight pinch. it appears late, very late when insomnia kicks in and holds a tight grip. it causes sudden urges to run far away for an uneasy peace. usually, thankfully, it disappears by morning.
but these nights add up, and each one reveals a new idea, a new push for change. but she is static despite her unhappiness. more of these nights will come.
but these nights add up, and each one reveals a new idea, a new push for change. but she is static despite her unhappiness. more of these nights will come.
8.22.2009
8.14.2009
2leftfeet
as much as i say i want to get away from west philly, i have a strange obsession with it. smena 8m:
8.10.2009
we have...
a little mouse friend in our stove. I saw him on one of the burners. I don't want to kill him (her?) but what else do people do with mice? My one roommate mentioned poison but that just seems so cruel. I think I cleaned every possible inch of the kitchen after I saw him and mopped all the floors. We have a huge loft, it was a lot of work. My floors are finally shiny again, which is nice, but the mouse is still sitting in the stove.
Overall, I don't mind him being there, but he does creep me out a bit. Where does he go at night? On the counter? In my cabinets? Does he go into the sink for a swim? Where does he sleep?
I don't know if it's making me lose my near zero appetite or if it's just all the cigarettes. Maybe it's time to get a cat.
Overall, I don't mind him being there, but he does creep me out a bit. Where does he go at night? On the counter? In my cabinets? Does he go into the sink for a swim? Where does he sleep?
I don't know if it's making me lose my near zero appetite or if it's just all the cigarettes. Maybe it's time to get a cat.
8.02.2009
recent views
I went to the beach.
& fell in love with my new neighborhood.
I got a 60's typewriter. It's rusty and needs some care, but it still works. Old-new things make me happiest.
& fell in love with my new neighborhood.
I got a 60's typewriter. It's rusty and needs some care, but it still works. Old-new things make me happiest.
7.29.2009
skinned knees
Sometimes I wonder where my clumsiness comes from. My mother or my father? They always seem steady, poised even. Bike accidents and falls happened everyday and still do. Scars form, sometimes they go away. I can never tell which ones will stay or not, and it's hard to think straight in this dull heat.
My mother used to say I always jump without looking. It's true. As careful as I've become, I still seem to jump into decisions I'll immediately regret. Sooner or later, a scar forms, sometimes it stays, sometimes it goes. I've jumped, and now I'm on the ground. I can't pinpoint what I'm waiting for anymore. I guess I'm just sitting.
My mother used to say I always jump without looking. It's true. As careful as I've become, I still seem to jump into decisions I'll immediately regret. Sooner or later, a scar forms, sometimes it stays, sometimes it goes. I've jumped, and now I'm on the ground. I can't pinpoint what I'm waiting for anymore. I guess I'm just sitting.
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